Forgiving and Reconciling, Part V: The World Of Difference Between Mercy and Leniency

What makes Christian forgiveness so hard for we human beings to understand is that in our experience condemnation always follows judgment. The only thing we’ve experienced is people exposing our sins in order to humiliate us, hurt us, and make us pay the price. 

So we furrow our brow in puzzlement at Jesus’ practice of judgment coupled with mercy for all those who receive his judgment. But whether we understand it or not, this is how he offers forgiveness. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world,” Jesus tells Nicodemus in John 3:17, “but to save the world.” 

Jesus comes as the light of the world. He casts out shadows, exposes sin for sin, darkness for darkness, lies for lies. And he does this even as, moved with compassion, he smothers the world’s evil in himself, bleeding his own blood in mercy. James 5:11 confirms, “The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” The Lord pours out judgment, with mercy right on top of it for those who receive his judgment with their arms at their sides, accepting his judgment without a fight. Judgment and mercy are the divine coupling that constitute forgiveness.

Leniency, on the other hand, is the counterfeit version of mercy. Leniency is where we say, “Hey, everybody sins. Let’s not be too hard on him.” Leniency precedes judgment and derails it. Leniency happens when we fear judgment. Leniency hopes to shut God’s mouth and the mouth of God’s just ones, hiding the very things that must be named and judged in order to be forgiven and healed in Jesus’ name.

Leniency has become popular in a world that confuses judgment with condemnation. People who mistake leniency for mercy often quote Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:1 (KJV), “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” They say, “How can I criticize or correct someone else when I have problems of my own?” So they exercise leniency towards others and themselves, and in so doing they hinder the work of God in their lives and in the lives of those they have hurt.

But when Jesus says, “Judge not lest ye be judged,” he is not advocating a life devoid of judgment; instead, he is advocating a sober, searing judgment that is never separated from a mercy that sets free those trapped in sin and transforms them and those they have hurt by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Mercy is poured out at great personal cost to the one who offers it. Condemnation and leniency, on the other hand, cost the giver nothing and benefit the recipient not at all. They are thus not from God. No amount of failing to judge wrongdoers will bring oneself or others into the kingdom of God.

In the end, forgiveness is judgment plus mercy. In the eyes of the world, judgment is always bad, and judgment and condemnation go together to hurt people. But for God, it is judgment and mercy—naming the evil in ourselves and others and then smothering it in Jesus’ name and with our own body in order to point to his—that kiss.

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Forgiving and Reconciling, Part IV: Only Judge The Evil You Are Willing To Absorb Personally Over Time With Christ

What sets us free from retribution, revenge, and bitterness toward our enemies?

The realization that no one other than God can make anything right, and God pledges to make everything right, in Christ, by the power of his Holy Spirit.

That’s why on earth here we willingly absorb our enemy’s sin against us in Jesus’ name as a reminder to our enemy—and to ourselves—that God in Christ is the one who is actually absorbing all sin.

As Christine Scheller notes in her fantastic post How Far Should Forgiveness Go?, Miroslav Volf, a professor at Yale, says:

I don’t demand that the one who has taken my eye lose his eye or that the one who has killed my child by his negligence be killed. In fact, I don’t demand that he lose anything. I forgo all retribution. In forgiving, I absorb the injury—the way I may absorb, say, the financial impact of a bad business transaction.

I absorb the sin not in myself, but in Christ, who lives in me. It’s no longer I who live, after all; it’s he who lives in me. And this is what I point out to my enemy in the midst of our battle against his sin.

Now let me hasten to note, for those in abusive marriage situations, for example, that absorbing the blow can only come on the other side of sharing with our enemies God’s sober judgment about their sin toward us. In the case of an abusive marriage, that judgment is “It is wrong to let you continue to use me as a punching bag; therefore we must separate and find help for you.”

But to abusers and all of our enemies, we do this as we share with them God’s sober judgment of us—our own stories of how he set us free from the penalty of canceled sin, and how he is even now setting us—and those whom we have harmed—free from sin’s power. Which is how we know they can be set free, too. And we need to announcing this to them even while proclaiming God’s sober judgment of their sins.

This is what prevents us from condemning others—because we of all people ought to know (and mirror) judgment with mercy and without condemnation, because that’s the Work of Mercy Christ performs daily on us who love him and trust him with our lives.

Remember: In God’s character, the offer of mercy follows judgment like day follows night. Condemnation doesn’t follow judgment in the kingdom of God; mercy follows judgment. The one to whom mercy is extended can reject that mercy, and that unrepentant spirit leads to condemnation. But never forget the order, no matter how grave the sin: Judgment/mercy/condemnation, not judgment/condemnation.

Mercy is the desired end of judgment. Meaning, we judge people in Jesus’ name in order that they might see how very badly they need the mercy of Christ, which we extend to them at no cost other than their willingness to accept it and enter into the lifelong process of letting that judgment and mercy work in their lives. This doesn’t preclude restitution in any sense–far from it (that’s what “lifelong process of etc etc” means in the previous sentence). But it sure does preclude condemnation and haughtiness on our part.

And just as it cost God everything to offer mercy to us, it costs us everything to mirror that mercy to those who sin against us. That’s how God expects us to use our lives—as Christ did, as a re-presentation of his offering for their sin. Our offering for sin does not save. But it is the most effective way to point to the only offering that has ever saved. M. Scott Peck, the therapist, writes:

I cannot be any more specific about the methodology of love than to quote these words of an old priest who spent many years in the battle: “There are dozens of ways to deal with evil and several ways to conquer it. All of them are facets of the truth that the only ultimate way to conquer evil is to let it be smothered within a willing, living human being. When it is absorbed there like blood in a sponge or a spear into one’s heart, it loses its power and goes no further.”

Peck is partly right. Evil loses its power and goes no further…to the degree that we human sponges mirror and testify to the judgment of the living sponge—Christ Jesus. The merciful God absorbs the sin of mankind not like a bad business deal but like blood in a sponge that, curiously, tells the truth as he is being stabbed—or, more accurately, speared in his side, nailed in his wrists, and crowned with thorns on his head.

And he calls us to judge in this same way. We should judge only the evil we are willing to personally absorb with him over time. This makes judgment costly and personally inconvenient, which ensures that it will only be entered into for the sake of the one being judged and not for the emotional and moral satisfaction of the judge.

For the abused, that doesn’t mean receiving further abuse. As we’ll talk about in our next post, that’s not mercy; that’s leniency. And becoming a human punching bag isn’t judgment; it’s insanity. But it does mean deep (unwarranted) care for the offender, which looks like staying with them but away from them until they refuse to acknowledge, accept, and fundamentally repent and change. Which is a lot harder than either staying with them and getting punched or walking away from them and finding someone else who’s not so obviously broken.

Judgment that’s not motivated by mercy always looks for someone other than us to cover the cost. Typically human judges look to pin the price tag on the offender. Judgment that’s motivated by mercy, though, draws others to receive God’s offer of mercy, because the one who is judged can see the judge bearing the cost of that mercy.

And that’s why the only people God trusts to judge are those who were once his enemies–those who now daily enjoy his endless patience and mercy. They judge mercifully in the natural course of pouring out to others the mercy that is daily being poured into them.

We need to learn how to judge the evil in others and in the world unapologetically and specifically and courageously while smothering that evil mercifully in ourselves, in the name of Christ Jesus. That’s how God in Christ performs the Work of Mercy of forgiving and reconciling in the world.

Typically the hardest part of this is being able to imagine judgment without condemnation, of which only God (and God extending his mercy through us) is capable. As we’ll talk about in Part V, that’s why we human beings fall back into leniency instead of letting God pour his mercy through us.

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Forgiving and Reconciling, Part III: Wherein We Admit That We Of All People Have No Right To Be Bitter Towards Anybody

God sets us believers free from the power of sin but not from the sin-stained story of our redemption. We’re not set free from that story because God wants us and others to see Christ Jesus continually displaying his gloriously unlimited patience toward us in real time, in actual human history.

Our sin-stained history, when it is ever before us and others, ensures humility. When we have amnesia about our misdeeds, it makes for bad theology and no sanctification and it leads to a hypocritical contempt of our fellow sin-strugglers. 

As Pastor Brian Tubbs says, “Flawed, sinful human beings do not have the moral right to hold grudges or bitterness toward others.”

What he’s saying is that we’re often bitter toward those who sin against us because we judge them outside of the context of our own sin-stained story of redemption. Reinhold Niebuhr, the Christian ethicist, says, “There is no deeper pathos in the spiritual life than the cruelty of righteous people.… Their pride is the basis of their lack of mercy.”

Robust memory of our sins is the antidote to pride.

So when it comes to rendering a verdict on our guilt, God does not remember our sin.

But when it comes to telling and bringing to completion the story of our redemption, God remembers every detail of our sin, transforms it through his grace, and enters the whole story into the public record. Christian marriage and family therapist Larry Barber puts it like this:

God does not forgive us by forgetting our sin. In fact, the Old Testament is a record of the history of God’s dealings with the nation of Israel, and a significant portion of that history involved the sin of the nation and its rebellion against God. Certainly one of the reasons God inspired the biblical authors to record the history of Israel was so that later generations would remember what had happened in the past.

The Bible tells us that God is the sovereign, transcendent creator of all that exists. Nothing happens to us that He has not ordained. But He does not author the events and experiences of our lives and then forget that they ever happened. God’s purpose is that we learn from the experiences that He has willed.

So God remembers sin forever, but only for our sake, and for the sake of those crushed by our sin. His mercy takes away not only the sting of death (like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:55, “Death, where is thy sting?”), but it also takes away the sting of a history that is not saturated in his grace—a history stuck in sin.

When our sinful history is saturated in his grace, it makes it possible for us to bear our sin-stained past and present, because it turns that sin-stained past and present into a field of future hope. 

So forgiveness demands memory. And it demands God’s ongoing judgment as well—not merely a sinner’s one-time passage through a terrifying turnstile of judgment, but a redeemed believer’s lifestyle of accepting God’s ongoing retelling of our stories, the parts that make us look good and the parts that reveal us to be really quite bad after all.

God insists that we, his redeemed ones, remember our past quite openly and publicly, with full admission of and contrition for sins past and present. But part of what he calls us to do is to remember our sins without condemnation of ourselves or anyone else. That’s how his glory shows through. That’s how people come to realize how merciful he really is. And God calls us to tell our stories as “in process”—that is, with full faith that God is redeeming us.

In his mercy, God does not cut the cord between us and his judgment at the moment he forgives us. Instead, he cinches the cord permanently. God’s ongoing judgment of us is the anchor that prevents us from falling back into the waves of pride, amnesia, and condemnation which we had fallen into and from which he is saving us. It is only when we are permanently secured by the ongoing judgment of God that sin can be addressed by anyone—God, the offender, and the offended—with something other than pain and regret and anger.

And that–as we’ll talk about in Part IV of our series–gives us a whole different way to react to the sin of others.

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